Starting a tradition with this post, even though traditions often are hard work.
Here we are at the end of another year, and despite lots of internet noise, the world did not end on December 21. I was in Las Vegas at the time and witnessed no supernatural phenomenon—other than what is considered normal behavior on the strip by inebriated, half naked, morons.
But wishing that the world would end, or having some apocalyptic fantasy of the end of things is by no means new, and by no means is the motivation behind such ideas over. For example, today is the last day our government can figure out a deal before we go over the chaotic sounding “fiscal cliff.” That by itself is another potential doomsday scenario just waiting to change all of our lives.
I know there have been times this past year where I was ready for the apocalypse to take over. Not because I wanted to recreate the horrors envisioned in The Road, or anything, but because I was just tired and exhausted of being in charge.
Change is exhausting. And as often as I advocate the possibility of change in my practice and here in the blog, I should mention how tiring change is. Two years ago I was unemployed. Heck, three years ago I was unemployed. Now I have a private practice that keeps me sheltered, fed, protected and, for all intents and purposes, is growing. But I am in charge of everything about it. I am the boss. I am the authority figure that four years ago is the reason I got fired not soon there after. Four years ago I just had to show up to my job and do what they told me to do. And I could have stayed there for a very long time if I just followed their rules. But then none of this would have happened. I would not be writing to you, my internet audience. So, yes, there was a reason to go through all that pain and all that change. Ironically, now I am that which I never could get along with before: authority. But that’s okay, because I can change it.
In the past year of work, I have seen my client caseload go from barely there to really busy (thankfully!). I have started meeting long distance clients via Skype. I had a client take their own life, and I didn’t want to be in the office at all for a good two months it seems (sometimes even still). I had other clients come and go as they saw fit, and I still miss them. I had a client get up and leave the office in the middle of the first session and never come back. I had clients challenge me in ways I did not expect. I started blogging about adult children of narcissistic parents and realized at the same time I might have a specialty after all. And I struggled with my own philosophy about my field on a seemingly daily basis. Also, in between my client’s appointments, I have eaten a lot of Robo Tacos.
It isn’t much of a stretch to bring up the topic of control when it comes to these ideations on the apocalypse, be it the zombie, the technological, the ecological, or the political kind. The apocalypse craze might just be one end of a continuum that exists about our own wishful thinking that the world will change out of the mess we are used to a whole different kind of world (messy or beatific). So, if the apocalypse is on one end of this continuum, what is at the other end? Well, I would suggest that it is the messiah figure that so many religions are so fond of promising us. But don’t confuse my intentions here: I don’t mean to argue religion. I simply mean to point out that either option—messiah or apocalypse—is entirely outside of our control or understanding.
And both just keep letting us down, right? I can’t say how many people really expected the Mayan Apocalypse to be true. I can however surmise that for a certain group of people in Judea in the first century AD, they were expecting quite a change in their world right quick. And it didn’t happen. Nor has any promise made by a messianic figure or an apocalyptic prophet been true. Because if you really want change in this world, you have to make it happen. Not your boss, not your partner, not your out dated belief system. You are the chosen one. And that should be a damn nice thing to hear. If you doubt any of this, consider the Arab Spring movement. And then consider how little our news networks spend on reporting or describing the power and strength of individuals who rise up against the old beliefs and government and institutions that report on the powerful.
Just remember to take your time. Change is exhausting.
I hope everyone has a fantastic 2013.
Expect the blogs to get back to their regular weekly appearances. And, since I believe in pushing the envelope, expect not just the blog posts, but some experiments in sharing my own fiction on this blog. I may be ready to take the plunge and self publish in 2013.
Thank you for reading.