Shame and Patience

Picking right up with the last post on the Shame Sandwich, I just wanted to leave a brief note about shame and patience.

I have been thinking about patience a lot and noticing our collective lack of patience pretty much everywhere.

I want to blame technology. Anyone who knows me knows I am the furthest thing from a Luddite, but I wonder if there is something there about our learned expectation to getting all of our needs meet fucking instantaneously thanks to technology that wrecks havoc on our internal self talk.

We get our movies and shows streamed to all of our devices. We pay our bills instantaneously. We order food, clothes, books, boots, every goddamn thing you could want and it will arrive in less than 2 days time.

We hook up online. We break up online. We can get married through drive thru chapels in Las Vegas.

And yet, and yet, we lose our minds when we are in traffic for 30 seconds longer than we want to be. We have fits of rage when a significant other doesn’t text us back within a minute. We even want peace, world peace in the same impatient way. PEACE, man, PEACE, but we want it fucking now. No debates, no negotiations. We want PEACE. We want everything NOW.

Our emotional processes don’t work that way.

Tell someone who just lost a parent or loved one that they need to hurry up with their grieving process. Go ahead, I will wait.

Not gonna do it, are you?

How about telling a recovering addict that they have 12 hours to reconcile that their broken childhood, early age traumas and attachment disruptions are the cause for all their self harm and addictive behavior?

Not going to do that one either?

Okay, but somebody already is.

Every pharmaceutical company currently selling psychiatric medications. Whether you wanted to believe it or not, they are convincing everyone that your mood disorder can be resolved with a pill. And everyone is buying.

Thanks to all of this technology and all of this speed, the human psyche is apt to look at all of this and find itself lacking. Seriously lacking. The human psyche is going to look at that ridiculous and amazing cellphone that was probably built with slave like wages and compare itself to it and the human psyche is going to be embarrassed. It is going to feel ashamed.

Not good enough. Not fucking fast enough. Not efficient enough. Not enough energy Not perfect. Not streamlined. Not enough excitement.

And then we are going to keep thinking those negative self-talk memes because we are bombarded with the messages every day. And our negative self talk is going to keep us in bed one morning. Our negative self talk is going to cancel plans with a friend. Negative self talk is going to tell you to you sleep, eat, medicate and repeat.

Which is why it is really important to identify our triggers, right?

Yes, you know that. Help spread the word.

Thank you for being my audience. More soon.

About Therapyisdandy

A dandy therapist
This entry was posted in Adult Children of Narcissists, Mental health therapy and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Shame and Patience

  1. Sarah M. says:

    Hoping all is well. Am missing your blog posts.

    • Hi Sarah, Thank you for commenting. I mean to blog again, I promise. My practice is full for the first time, so I have a lot less time to sit down and write something that doesn’t sound like I have already blogged about. But knowing that the posts are missed will motivate me! Much thanks.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s